Monday, August 27, 2007

Jurl, M.D.

I love, love, Grey's Anatomy and am counting the days till it returns in all it's McDreamy/McSteamy glory. But in the real world of sickness and healing do you really want your doctor to look like Patrick Dempsey? I mean, let's think about this. Do you want to tell a super sexy man that you have trouble holding your pee? Or that you've been constipated since 1986? Not me. I want my doctor to look like a bridge troll. That way I don't have to doll myself when I have a fever or groom my lady parts into a pleasing presentation (like a heart or a smiley face) to impress.

OBGYNs especially need to be three shades of ugly. If you're exploring my nether regions I don't want to be getting all excited. Granted it takes a lot to excite me these days, but why risk it. Pap smears are already uncomfortable and awkward, why add the anxiety of wondering if things are looking (and let's be honest-smelling) good DOWN THERE. Not that I'm gonna let my privates fall apart if the doctor is less than attractive, but I won't be as concerned he finds me repulsive.

I have similar feelings about female doctors. I don't want some hot lady doctor checking me out either because then I will compare myself to her and count the defects in my poor, sad, bod. Do you want a gorgeous woman telling you you're too fat and need to loose weight? I think not. What's worse is, she'll have photos of her beautiful husband and children hanging right next to her summa cum laude medical diploma. Now I'm not just feeling inadequate about my body, but about my whole life. All because I foolishly chose a good lookin medical professional. What started off as a slight yeast infection is now mild depression.

So take my advice- when feeling a little yeastie or feverish and you need medical attention, choose wisely, choose ugly.

4 comments:

ATLGAL said...

Get this- I learned, on the delivery table while giving birth to my wee princess, that my OBGYN is actually a year younger than me (learn from my error- when making small talk while your OB cuts open your gut for a C-Section, I recommend NOT asking him how old he is...). Talk about making me feel (a) like I should have studied harder and done more with my life b/c what I'm doing for a living is inconsequential in comparison with bringing new life into the world, and (b) too old to be having a baby! I had a feeling he was younger than me, b/c he looks like a Doogie Hauser type, shaggy bangs and round glasses. He also looks a lot like my friend Jenny's husband (who's 3 years younger than me, BTW), which really throws me off when he's peering around "down there". Also, his name is Archie, which just isn't a doctor name that inspires confidence. But I do like him and he's not hot, so that's a bonus. Its a sad state of affairs when both my doctor AND my baby's doctor are younger than me... when did I get so old? Or when did medical practices start allowing near-teenagers to treat patients?

rockwall said...

Mmmmmm...I think by giving birth, you ARE bringing new life into the world. He might have a great career and I'm sure his mother is proud, but you're the one on the table who spit out a baby - not him. He's not the one who put his life on hold to have a baby grow inside him. He's not facing any number of medical risks by giving birth. Don't downplay your role in this process! You're supporting his lifestyle!

jurl said...

Ah, yes, the realization that people significanly younger than you are adult professionals. It's a terrible truth- as we grow older there are those that will always be inexplicably younger. In my firm we now have lawyers starting that are nearly ten years younger than me. Try quoting a Pat Benatar tune(We are strong
no-one can tell us we're wrong
Searching our hearts for so long
Both of us knowinglove is a battlefield----classic advice) and you get blank stares. How can this be? What happened to me being the youngest lawyer on the block? A little thing called the linear passage of time. The real irony is that just when I realize that there is a very real age gap between me and a first year associate, my body starts to fall apart. I pee on myself constantly- giving birth is like setting a land mine off in your vagina. My hip hurts, my knees pop, and I wake up exhausted (and not from a night of partying, unless you count 2:00 a.m. feedings and changing pee pee sheets as a party). It is a hard moment in a woman's life to accept her calendar age while she still fells 14 inside. But, and now I will channel Oprah, I'm so much better now than I was at 25. I have so much more in my life. More love, more friendship, more depth, more patience, more sympathy, and more joy. and yes more wrinkles and even more saddness, but that's alright because that tells me I'm participating in life. Youth is only as good as it lasts. I'm so much more interesting at 35 than I have ever been. I'm sure you are too.

amy from austin said...

who is this rockwall person?