Cooking Jurl

Well, jurls, you might not know this about me, but I'm a pretty decent cook. Nothing fancy, just yummy and soothing food as food should be (if used as mood elevator). So I share with you two of my secret ingredients: Bisquick and Whippin Cream.

If you are making mashed potatoes use whippin cream instead of milk.

If you want a melt in your mouth biscuit, mix Bisquick and whippin cream together, bake at 375 until done. Oh, yeah.

Want yummy baked chicken? Mix Bisquick, salt, and pepper together, dip a chicken tender in gently whisked egg, dip chicken in Bisquick, stick it on a foil covered cookie sheet, then pour a small (or big, whatev) amount of melted butter over it. Bake at 450 till done. Yums.

Cool Whip? You don't need no stinking cool whip. Whip whippin cream until stiff peaks appear then add sugar and a splash of vanilla. Oh no, you didn't.




If lovin you is wrong, I don't want to be right.

Staggering Compassion, Jurls

A 9/11 story that will cause your heart to fill up and your eyes to leak pesky tears.


http://globalpublicsquare.blogs.cnn.com/2011/09/10/remembering-911-an-unexpected-gift-to-america/

Oh, Jurl, You Are Drunk and French. What Could be Worse?

By now you have probably heard about Gerard Depardieu's recent incontinence problem on a passenger jet. If not, then allow me to break the news: the big French lout took a piss on the carpet of the plane he was in as they awaited take off.

When this made news I was torn. On the one hand, I was grossed out because I can imagine the assault of his hot, steamy, stinky, yellow pee pee blasting out of his french sausage link and splattering across the inside of what is essentially an overgrown tin can. Yaht. On the other hand, if you are stuck sitting on the tarmac needing to go potty then you should be able to use the facilities and if the flight attendants insist you keep your seat with no regard to the peril of your swollen bladder, then piss on them.

So, as to The Great Pee Pee Caper I was on the fence. And then this:


http://dai.ly/nUPapF



Urinating when you are drunk and/or held hostage I can understand. This spoof that passes for french humor I cannot abide. I now speak to the people of France:


Why are you so weird, French people? Why is this funny? It's not. Are your comedy writers all cocaine-fueled Jerry Lewis impersonators? Why does the plane look like a backstage Vegas dressing room? Why does the guy across the aisle seem totally bemused by how he got in this skit? Why is the opera Viking costume so hilarious to you people? We leave that for Bugs Bunny. And only when he cross-dresses. Why is Gerard Depardieu a sex symbol? Seriously, why? Why?!

My advice, because I know you want it, is to stick to making cheese, wine, and rude comments to American tourists. And since I am an American tourist allow me to quote my good friend N.D. who, when robbed in Paris and given the run around at a French bank, said "If not for us you'd all be speaking German!"

Spreken ze that Gerard.

Burning Down the Jurl

Texas is on fire. CNN just reported that Governor Rick Perry is returning to our dry, barren, burning, wasteland of a state to help. Help? Hmmm. He must really think he can do something because he was scheduled to speak at a town hall as he continues his attempt to capture the White House and violate it for four years. But, what can he do to help with our fires? Oh, yes. He can piss on them like he has pissed on our state for the last twelve years.



Oooooh! Can I run the siren??? Whre's my firefighter's hat?!

Love the Rug, Jurl.

This is giving me serious rug envy.

Get a Clue, Jurl!

The other day I bought Clue for my daughter (OK, me), but struggled over getting the modern version or the classic set. In the modern version gone are the parlor, billiard room, library, and conservatory, to be replaced by an observatory, patio, theatre room, and spa. Because no one reads in 2011, but everyone spas and watches movies.

Ultimately, I decided my daughter would probably like the new one better so that's the one I bought, though I feared the murder weapons would be cheap plastic instead of metal like in the olden days. Turns out murder weapons aren't murderous unless metal so they remain fairly unchanged, though they've added poison, a trophy, and a barbell.

Clue was my favorite game as a kid. I think it was because I could pretend to be Miss Scarlett, the beautiful femme fetale. Sadly, when we played the game the other night Sam insisted on being Miss Scarlett leaving me old Mrs. Peakcock. I realized, however, in real life I've morphed into Col. Mustard. With a dash of Professor Plum. They need a character called Madam Creaky Knees since I discovered I can no longer sit cross-legged on the floor for sustained periods of time. Or even short periods of time, really. Don't even get me started on my bad hip.


Game is still fun, though.

Pinterest Jurl

My friend, JG, sent me a link to pinterest.com and in three days it has taken over my life. At first I wasn't sure what it was or what to do with it......then I got it. It's a virtual bulletin board. See, I'm one of those people that is forever ripping out magazine pages of shoes, clothes, art, recipes, whatever. I sit them in a pile on my desk or stuff them into a side pocket in my wallet until I realize I have not touched them and can no longer stand the clutter they create so I toss them. Pinterest allows me to virtually rip out photos and articles then stick them on my cyber board to refer to for all time. Say, what, what??

Also, it would seem that everyone else in the world is better at surfing the web than yours truly because the stuff they find is unreal. I can't get enough of this site. Check it out and let me know what you think. I'd write more, but I have to go back to pinterest.com.