Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Sex and the Modern Jurl

Sometimes I envy a man's one dimensional relationship with sex. Men just like having sex because it feels good. No more, no less. Just a man and his penis. Women seem to have a twisted, warped, connection to sex or maybe it's just me. So far I've experienced three stages of sex. I break it down like this: in Stage One I mistakenly and sadly used sex as bait for affection; in Stage Two I enjoyed sex in a committed relationship (this is a short-lived phase); and in Stage Three (where I am now) sex has become an irritating chore that I put off as long as possible, but once I do it I think "that wasn't so bad." Kind of like stopping for gas- I'll drive forever on an "empty" tank to avoid pulling into the gas station, but once i do I realize it only takes ten minutes with little effort.

Unfortunately, Stage One is a rite of passage for most young women. It's amazing that grown women follow the logic that if I let him in my vagina I'll be in his heart. An older, wiser, woman knows that a male orgasm leads to a wet spot in the center of the bed and not much more (if you're careful). It's a hard lesson to learn and it took me several swings around the penis to figure it out. I'm not really sure if my thinking was that I was giving them something they couldn't get anywhere else so they'd keep coming back for more until we were actually a couple or if I thought I was so good at it that they would become addicted to my sexual gymnastics. Either way I must have been smokin crack. There are a million girls giving it away in the hopes of trapping love with their private parts. And the most spectacular sexcapade will not translate into love. Ladies in Stage One--Even if beer flowed from your nipples and fireworks shot out of your ass at climax you cannot capture a man's heart with sex.

Stage Two is what we're all really looking for in Stage One- good sex in a meaningful relationship. This is a wonderful time in a woman's life, but not that interesting to talk about and it only lasts until you get married and/or have kids.

Stage Three is the land of the Dead Inside. Married women all across the Universe-- Can I get an Amen? You know who you are-- sex is no longer about getting love or making love it's about keeping love from walking out the door. Doing it just often enough to keep your husband from being able to say you never do it.

Personally, after several years of marriage, two kids, and 80 extra pounds I'm no longer trying to give it away in any capacity. In fact, I'm closed for business. Working full time at work and at home will pretty much kill what little sex drive you have left after blowing out a couple of kids. Not to mention, if you feel like a manatee in granny panties you aren't looking to do the slap and tickle with anybody, even your beloved husband- especially your beloved husband.

I believe women of all ages still have the desire for sex, but it's buried under layers of exhaustion, unmet expectations, low self-esteem, and resentment toward your partner for his part in adding to your exhaustion, unmet expectations, and low self-esteem.

But take heart Stage Three women--I'm hopeful there is a fourth stage of the female libido where a woman learns to love herself no matter what the scale says, set boundaries at home and at work, ask for help when she needs it, and accepts help even when she doesn't need it. I have no doubt this would lead to the best sex life ever for the modern jurl. I'll let you know when I get there.


Anonymous said...

AMEN from me! And making it even more difficult is the guilt from the husband and the fact that, no matter how often you explain it, they just DON'T GET IT!!

Nice to know I'm not the only one who feels this way.

Love your blog!


ATLgal said...

Was thinking of this very post last night (and still this morning) when Hubby and I were engaged in a battle of silence after I denied his advances at 11 pm last night while I was finishing a book I'd been looking forward all day to finishing. And my goodness, can a man spurned pout like a baby! Its like you've emasculated him in the most extreme way possible by just saying "I don't feel like it tonight". Why isn't it fair for me to NOT be up for it? When he's not up for it I say a secret "Hallelujah! A night off! Where's my US Weekly Magazine?" in my mind, but when I'M not up for it I've insulted his very manhood. Sigh. Guess I'll have to make good tonight. I'm tired just thinking about it.

jurl said...

Thanks! The problem is all in the wiring. Men have a simple On/Off switch connected to their dingus and it's always in the On position. A woman has enough wiring to power up Las Vegas and we're one of those touch lamps...you know- one touch you get a dim light, two touches you get a slightly brighter light. They think one poke in the back with Mr. Happy and you should shine as bright as the Eiffel tower. Tragic.

Michelle said...

i must admit that i love sex. love it love it love it. so much, that it was a daily occurence everyday for 7 months ... until we found out i was pregnant. but that's not to say that i'll go out and have sex with anyone. just one guy in particular. one guy that no matter my weight or size would always love me. i guess that's why i like it so much, it feels good and i feel good about myself afterwards.

but i do love your blog .. and i laughed [alot] during this post. :)

jurl said...

Michelle- there's nothing wrong with loving sex and having lots of it. I think a woman's lack of sex drive is tpically caused by two things: self-esteem issues and being overwhelmed by life with work, husbands, kids, chores, and more chores. But, if you want to have a good sex life and you have a good husband you can work to make it happen....but, for a lot of women it's work...hopefully orgasmic work, but still work to fit it in and get in the mood. thanks so much for reading the blog.

kwr221 said...

I came here by way of TJ, by way of Lorrie at Our Name is Blog.

Very funny and very true post! I think I'd want much more sex and be a lot less tired if I lived on my own in my own apartment. Do you think y husband, 2 kids, 2 cats, 2 mice and the fish would mind?

Except then, I'd bet He would be too tired for sex. Ya think?