As my maternity leave rapidly comes to a close I find myself picking up my baby boy more often throughout the day and kissing his chubby cheeks until they turn red. So while doing just that this morning, I was struck with the urge to apologize in advance for being his mother- so I did.
To Jake:
I'm sorry that I won't always be patient with you.
I'm sorry that sometimes I will read my Janet Evanovich novel instead of coloring with you.
I'm sorry for the times I'll be too lazy to go outside and play.
I'm sorry that I won't always give you the best of me, but only what's left over at the end of the day.
I'm sorry for hurting your feelings.
I'm sorry for my inconsistent parenting.
I'm sorry that you won't get lots of play dates because I don't like making new friends.
I'm sorry for making you watch Xanadu with me and your sister.
I'm sorry for every bump and bruise, physical and spiritual, you'll get along the way in life.
I'm sorry for making you feel like you're in the way.
I'm sorry for not always saying please and thank you.
I'm sorry that sometimes mine and your Dad's problems will feel like your problems.
I'm sorry I only buy whole wheat bread and yucky organic peanut butter.
I'm sorry the first curse word you hear will probably be from me.
I'm sorry for having my own issues that sometimes distract me.
I'm sorry I can't prevent a broken heart.
I'm sorry I'm not a better mom, better role model, better person.
I'm sorry I couldn't give you more- more time, more effort, more of me.
But, I love you, love you, love you, and I will always do the best I can do.
5 comments:
You just made me cry, AGAIN! Twice in one week...jurl! Love ya!
Love the "no playdates because I don't like making new friends." I told an old friend that of mine about 10 minutes before I read your blog. Funny.
BTW, you totally Missed my birthday. That's like the first time in 14 years.
Guess Who!
that was a good one. i might just have to "leverage" your blog for my own purposes.
Awww, now! There are an awful lot of great things you can and will give him that he couldn't get from anyone else-- a biting and wonderful sense of humor, an uncanny ability to call bullshit, a love for celebrity (and perhaps Zima?), a healthy respect for strong women (and professional women), and a very necessary willingness to laugh at himself. So don't start thinking its all going to be stuff you have to apologize for! Although perhaps if he starts ordering Zima at bars in college b/c of your influence and is mocked by girls and boys alike, you may just have to apologize for that...
Yeah right. There's no need to apologize for being the hippest mother this side of Highland Park. You go jurl!!!
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