My husband should really be an advice columnist. Something like "Dear Mr. Right: Bad Advice For Good Women." You see, Mr. Right always has excellent solutions to my problems like if I need to leave our house by 7:00 a.m. so that I can leave work by 5:00 p.m. to pick up kids, then I should get up at 5:00 a.m. to feed the baby, work out, feed the toddler, and get myself ready. Getting up in the middle of the night allows me to jam pack mornings with chores and still be at my desk by 7:30 a.m.! I would never have thought of it! And to save myself even more time in the morning I can make up bottles the night before as well as get outfits for the next day laid out! Don't forget the socks and shoes!
Mr. Right is chock-a-block full of ways to save me time and make my life easier. I would never have thought that being in constant action mode from 5:00 a.m. until 9:00 p.m. would improve my situation. But that's why he's the husband and I'm the wife!
Occasionally, I foolishly offer a suggestion of my own. Like maybe he could make up the bottles or get up half an hour earlier to feed the baby, but he wisely points out that I'm ordering him around with attitude which is completely unnecessary. And I should have said "please." Oh, right, because I always hear, "please wash the clothes, please do the dishes, please cook dinner, please purchase food, please pick-up the house, please buy some toilet paper so we don't have to use the yellow pages." Silly, silly me.
Yes, Mr. Right always knows better and for that I'm grateful. I'm not sure how I would stand a life where I got more sleep, had fewer chores, and more time for myself. I might go off the deep end and be happy. And we can't have that because then I might want to have sex! Better to stick with the Mr. Right plan because it ensures that I will feel downtrodden and he will continue to have cobwebs on his private parts.
So, if anyone has questions for Mr. Right I'll happily pass them along. I'm sure he can improve your life as he has improved mine.
I wonder what his advice will be when he realizes he's out of clean drawers because I stopped washing his clothes two weeks ago? I know what my advice will be.