Saturday, September 29, 2007

Good Advice, Jurl

My husband should really be an advice columnist. Something like "Dear Mr. Right: Bad Advice For Good Women." You see, Mr. Right always has excellent solutions to my problems like if I need to leave our house by 7:00 a.m. so that I can leave work by 5:00 p.m. to pick up kids, then I should get up at 5:00 a.m. to feed the baby, work out, feed the toddler, and get myself ready. Getting up in the middle of the night allows me to jam pack mornings with chores and still be at my desk by 7:30 a.m.! I would never have thought of it! And to save myself even more time in the morning I can make up bottles the night before as well as get outfits for the next day laid out! Don't forget the socks and shoes!

Mr. Right is chock-a-block full of ways to save me time and make my life easier. I would never have thought that being in constant action mode from 5:00 a.m. until 9:00 p.m. would improve my situation. But that's why he's the husband and I'm the wife!

Occasionally, I foolishly offer a suggestion of my own. Like maybe he could make up the bottles or get up half an hour earlier to feed the baby, but he wisely points out that I'm ordering him around with attitude which is completely unnecessary. And I should have said "please." Oh, right, because I always hear, "please wash the clothes, please do the dishes, please cook dinner, please purchase food, please pick-up the house, please buy some toilet paper so we don't have to use the yellow pages." Silly, silly me.

Yes, Mr. Right always knows better and for that I'm grateful. I'm not sure how I would stand a life where I got more sleep, had fewer chores, and more time for myself. I might go off the deep end and be happy. And we can't have that because then I might want to have sex! Better to stick with the Mr. Right plan because it ensures that I will feel downtrodden and he will continue to have cobwebs on his private parts.

So, if anyone has questions for Mr. Right I'll happily pass them along. I'm sure he can improve your life as he has improved mine.

I wonder what his advice will be when he realizes he's out of clean drawers because I stopped washing his clothes two weeks ago? I know what my advice will be.


Anonymous said...

We will call him Senor Stinky Pants.

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

Try this with the laundry: Don't do any of his and see how long it takes him to realize it. I play a similar (silent) game with my hubby and the unending saga of the milk jug. Why is it so hard to rinse out the jug and put it in the recycle bin? I've timed it...15 seconds if you take your time. But, no. It sits BY the sink, waiting for me to do something with it. I've gotten tired of this, so I've stopped touching it. I wait and see. So far, the longest has been 5 days before he does something with it. I let him savor the lovely spoilled milk smell after all that time.It may seem silly, but really. Come on...


Anonymous said...

You have the saga of the milk jug, I have the saga of the cereal bowl... HIS cereal bowl, which he refuses to take to the sink, leaving hard as nail cereal crust and milk glue on the bowl. So I just leave them by his bed stand, coffee table, computer desk until he runs out of bowls. =) I showed him!

ATLGAL said...

I am a big fan of the passive aggressive, silent revolt against messy husbands, and you jurls have given me several good ideas (milk jug, cereal bowl). Thanks, Jurls!