Because I am part-twelve year old boy, I am super stoked about the soon to be released new Indiana Jones movie, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Meth or Skulls or whatever is the overly-complex title.
Since yesterday was Mother's Day my husband took over kids and chores, allowing me to laze about in the bed for most of the day. While resting up for another year of mothering I managed to watch Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom and as I watched I relished Harrison Ford's sexy quips, Short Rounds funny side-kick chatter, and Kate Capshaw's high-pitched screaming. When it was over I quickly Tivoed Raiders of the Lost Ark because it was coming on next and as my excitement for this 80s cinema candy made me curse at the Tivo control, "Record! Record, you bastard!" I wondered why I liked these movies so darn much.
I decided it's because I see myself not as the girl to Indy, but as Indy. Deep down I long to be a swashbuckling (cause I love pirates, too) adventurer, saving the village or the artifact, or the world! Sometimes when having these reality-disconnects I'll say to Husband, "I would be a great adventurer/archaeologist! I could totally work that whip!"
Husband always shakes his head in what I assume is confusion, but may in fact be sadness, and says, "You would be the worst adventurer/archaeologist! You don't like dirt. You don't like to be hot. You duck when someone throws a ball or anything at you. And in the first five seconds of touching a whip you'd put your eye out."
"Whatever," is usually my clever response. I will admit I have a fear of things being thrown at my head and a fear of heights so as a swashbuckling adventurer/archaeologist I would have to avoid climbing pretty much anything (also have no upper body strength, come to think of it) nor would I walk across a swinging bridge or any other high thingy.
But other than all that I"m ready to put on my dark brown fedora, or maybe a pink beret, and travel the globe,...well, maybe not the globe, I can only be gone a couple of days at a time so I'll need to stay continental....and fight bad guys...as long as they don't throw anything at me or have a weapon.... I hate to admit it, but Husband may be on to something.....
Wait a second....everyday I find lost, sacred objects-a precious baby doll, a tattered yellow blankie, a missing dress sock. And I routinely do battle with the dishes, the laundry, filth, flarth, and Husband! When the wheels fly off the Universe I put my enemy in time out and I'm always making clever quips (though no one usually acknowledges them) to my sidekicks, Drama Queen and Tubbs. While Indiana travels to exotic places in a prop plane, I travel to buy exotic fruits and body lotions at Super Target in my SUV.
See, I'm already a swashbuckling adventurer/archaeologist fighting evil and saving the world one diaper at a time! I may not have a whip ( really would put my eye out), but I'm still an every day bad ass. I'm Indiana Jurl, bitches! Take that Husband!