Well, it's that time again, time to make fun of Cosmo's relationship advice. I know this is the third time I'm dipping into the Cosmo well, but it's my birthday today and I can do what I want.
So today's Cosmo Calamity installment is interpreting male body language:
If he positions his chest and shoulders at you then he's digging you because boys point their upper chest at the most important thing in the room.
Huh. In my experience boys point their ding-dong at the most important thing in the room. Even if that thing is a pizza. If a guy is aiming his upper body at you he may just be comparing breast size.
When a guy offers his palm to you face up, you know hands down he's hooked. He's literally and figuratively reaching out to the person he's speaking to in an attempt to connect on a deeper emotional level.
I have to say they got it sort of right. When a guy offers you his hand face-up he is looking for something from you, but I doubt it's to connect on a deeper emotional level. It probably means one of these things, figuratively and literally:
give me the remote
pass the chips
give me the car keys
give me your credit card
give me your boob
give me the salt
give me a beer
If he stands or sits with his toes pointed toward each other it means he's shy, but he's digging you.
Uh, more like he's digging your guy friend.
Studs who sleep face down have passion and energy.
Or he has a lot of gas and laying on his stomach helps release it.
If he prefers woman-on-top action it means he's attentive to your needs and so chooses a position best for you to....you know....pretend to orgasm (except I never do that).
Or he just wants you to do all the work.
If you accidentally dress alike on weekends it's a sign you'll accept each other's habits.
No, it means you're both queer.
And that's it for the latest Cosmo Calamity!
Does anyone really think this guy would be interested in your lady business? Thanks for nothing, Cosmo.