Sunday, March 22, 2009

Please, Jurl

Well, it's that time again, time to make fun of Cosmo's relationship advice. I know this is the third time I'm dipping into the Cosmo well, but it's my birthday today and I can do what I want.

So today's Cosmo Calamity installment is interpreting male body language:

Cosmo says--

If he positions his chest and shoulders at you then he's digging you because boys point their upper chest at the most important thing in the room.

Huh. In my experience boys point their ding-dong at the most important thing in the room. Even if that thing is a pizza. If a guy is aiming his upper body at you he may just be comparing breast size.

Cosmo says--

When a guy offers his palm to you face up, you know hands down he's hooked. He's literally and figuratively reaching out to the person he's speaking to in an attempt to connect on a deeper emotional level.

I have to say they got it sort of right. When a guy offers you his hand face-up he is looking for something from you, but I doubt it's to connect on a deeper emotional level. It probably means one of these things, figuratively and literally:

give me the remote

pass the chips

give me the car keys

give me your credit card

give me your boob

give me the salt

give me a beer

Cosmo says--

If he stands or sits with his toes pointed toward each other it means he's shy, but he's digging you.

Uh, more like he's digging your guy friend.

Cosmo says--

Studs who sleep face down have passion and energy.

Or he has a lot of gas and laying on his stomach helps release it.

Cosmo says--

If he prefers woman-on-top action it means he's attentive to your needs and so chooses a position best for you know....pretend to orgasm (except I never do that).

Or he just wants you to do all the work.

Cosmo says--

If you accidentally dress alike on weekends it's a sign you'll accept each other's habits.

No, it means you're both queer.

And that's it for the latest Cosmo Calamity!

Does anyone really think this guy would be interested in your lady business? Thanks for nothing, Cosmo.


Shea said...

Happy Birthday Jurl!

BoBono said...

Happy birthday Jurl. Hope you had a wonderful day and have a wonderful year!