Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Insane in the Membrane Jurl

Moammar Gadhafi, MG to me, is not just a dictator with a cruel streak, oh no, he is gone-left crazy. He is so nuts I am convinced he is from another dimension. Evidence for this theory is as follows:

1. His bodyguards are all female and also virgins. Say what, what? Why virgins? Are virgins angrier because they have a bunch of pent up sexual energy? I doubt it. If you want angry then hire a stay at home mom who is always asked to put out while she's trying to read this month's copy of O Magazine after a long day of laundry, poop accidents, dishes, and mommy, mommy, mommy. I don't want some well rested pure in the lady parts chick guarding me, I want some one who's been dirtied up, perhaps shamed by one too many one night stands, and has an ax to grind against the forehead of any would be male attacker. That's what I want.

2. MG goes everywhere with his voluptuous blonde Scandinavian nurse. This is straight out of Hogan's Heroes. How does one get this job as voluptuous "nurse" to a Nucking Futs dictator? Was there an ad in the paper? Oh, wait that is so old school. Probably on Monster or Findjob, right? Position: personal nurse. Qualifications: voluptuous (small titties need not apply); blonde (top and bottom a plus, but not a requirement); skilled in dingus washing and asshole tickling. Pay: dictator sausage.

3. MG is telling his nation that the unrest is caused by rats and Americans. Hhmm. I can see the rat angle because the squirrels in my backyard turn me into a violent protester when they eat my pansies, tear up my chair cushions, plant oak trees all over my yard, and have frantic rodent sex in my trumpet vines. But Americans? MG- there is only one thing every one over there can agree on and that is "death to America." Not sure how this one helps you. Just sshhh. Sshhh, little crazy dictator. This less you say the better or the whole world will figure out you are from the planet Nuk Nuk where all the soldiers are female and virgins. Leave America out of it. Dropping our name will only get your voluptuous blonde, ass-tickling nurse set on fire. And what good would that really do?

Does MG not sound like a character from Austin Powers?

Hello, female virgin body guards.

Hello, Svetlana.
And hello, Golden Turd.

I wish you peace Libya and freedom from Golden Turd.