Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Jurl, Get Rid of That Dog!

If you have the Sugars, i.e. the diabetes, and you have a dog, you better watch out or you'll wake up one day and your dog Bitsy will be sitting with her friend Rover over a silver platter filled with canapes made of your toes on Ritz crackers! Sounds crazy? Google that shite. It just happened, again!

Apparently, it's not uncommon for a diabetic with numb feet to wake up with a few less toes and a pooch with foot breath. yuck. gack. yaht. ack. Something about them being wired to get rid of rotting flesh. Which kind of makes a diabetic sound like a zombie.

My parents (mom and step-dad) are both diabetics, though my mom claims she is only a little diabetic (like a little bit pregnant). My step-dad has the numb feet. Thank goodness they don't have any pets or he'd be toe-less for sure.

What must it be like to wake up and discover your beloved pet has just eaten your big toe? Do you wake up and notice the pain of the chewed-off digit first? Or is your foot so numb it doesn't hurt? If the dog is chewing on the toe like a favorite squeaky do you try to wrestle it away or write it off as so much lost appendage? Do you feel compelled to check out his poops in some weird need to know where the rest of you went? Do you get rid of the dog? (I sure as hell would.) If you don't gt rid of it, will you think of your missing digits every time Fido licks your face? Will you always smell the soft scent of rotted foot on his breath?

Oh, for God's sake, if you are diabetic get rid of your canine or invest in some steel-toed slippers.

I smell toe candy.

1 comment:

shapewear said...

hahaha! That dog is so cute! I am a diabetic person. But not so severe. Luckily I am not fond of eating sweets which keeps me stay away from sugars.