First of all, let me say thank you for taking precious time out of your day to read my blog. I love the comments! It's incredible to me that anybody outside of my best friends would bother to read my rants. I've never actually read a blog and it's a miracle I could even set one up because I'm famously technologically challenged. I started it this last weekend for a couple of reasons: 1) to see if I could; and 2) because I have a strong desire to write. In fact, I've been working on a book, but have lacked the confidence to see it through to completion.
Anyway, I started this blog and now I'm addicted. This presents a small problem. You may have wondered if my husband is aware of my blog and the answer to that is a resounding no. I'm pretty sure he'd resent criticism of his domestic skills and kill me over outing our personal business (that means sex stuff). I have a dear friend who believes asking forgiveness is better than asking for permission (not that I need permission, but you know what I mean) and another dear friend who believes that there should be no secrets between a husband and wife (she's only been married a year, but you know what she means). So, to tell or not to tell?
My husband is a good guy and I love him. That's why I married him and why I plan to stay married to him despite the fact I often want to ram his head in to the dishwasher over and over until he recognizes what the hell the start button looks like. But, I digress. Of all his wonderful qualities, laughing at his self is not one of them. He's also very private. I'm anything but private and upon meeting someone will happily disclose that I have an eating disorder, am estranged from my father, and pee when I laugh (or sneeze, cough, move at all). This mystifies Husband. I'm equally mystified by his tight lipped nature. How does he do it? I have to share my most intimate secrets just to feel like I'm here, like I'm connected to other human beings.
This may also be a difference in gender. When my girlfriends and I get together all we do is dish on ourselves and our husbands. Men on the other hand talk about anything but themselves and their personal business. Ugh. If it ain't personal I don't want to hear it.
Husband's friendships are held together by football and Xbox. Isn't that touching? Two men bumping chests over a touch down. Brings a tear to my eye. But hey, who's judging?
Alas, the real truth is I'm hesitant to tell Husband about this blog not for fear that he will read it and be mad, but just that he'll read it. Because I can tell every secret to the world, but I can't tell him. I'm not really sure why. Maybe it's because I don't trust him with my inner most thoughts. Maybe I'm afraid he just won't get it and that would crush me.
How many men and women don't know each other at all? A man may know his wife's favorite perfume, but be oblivious to the fact she worries he doesn't want her anymore because he never holds her hand. He may know her favorite color, but not know she dreams of quitting her job and becoming a painter.
The most important things to share are the hardest things to share. Baring it all to your partner is risking rejection by the one person you need acceptance from the most.
So, to tell or not to tell? I think I'll tell.