Thursday, August 23, 2007

Jurl Secret

First of all, let me say thank you for taking precious time out of your day to read my blog. I love the comments! It's incredible to me that anybody outside of my best friends would bother to read my rants. I've never actually read a blog and it's a miracle I could even set one up because I'm famously technologically challenged. I started it this last weekend for a couple of reasons: 1) to see if I could; and 2) because I have a strong desire to write. In fact, I've been working on a book, but have lacked the confidence to see it through to completion.

Anyway, I started this blog and now I'm addicted. This presents a small problem. You may have wondered if my husband is aware of my blog and the answer to that is a resounding no. I'm pretty sure he'd resent criticism of his domestic skills and kill me over outing our personal business (that means sex stuff). I have a dear friend who believes asking forgiveness is better than asking for permission (not that I need permission, but you know what I mean) and another dear friend who believes that there should be no secrets between a husband and wife (she's only been married a year, but you know what she means). So, to tell or not to tell?

My husband is a good guy and I love him. That's why I married him and why I plan to stay married to him despite the fact I often want to ram his head in to the dishwasher over and over until he recognizes what the hell the start button looks like. But, I digress. Of all his wonderful qualities, laughing at his self is not one of them. He's also very private. I'm anything but private and upon meeting someone will happily disclose that I have an eating disorder, am estranged from my father, and pee when I laugh (or sneeze, cough, move at all). This mystifies Husband. I'm equally mystified by his tight lipped nature. How does he do it? I have to share my most intimate secrets just to feel like I'm here, like I'm connected to other human beings.

This may also be a difference in gender. When my girlfriends and I get together all we do is dish on ourselves and our husbands. Men on the other hand talk about anything but themselves and their personal business. Ugh. If it ain't personal I don't want to hear it.

Husband's friendships are held together by football and Xbox. Isn't that touching? Two men bumping chests over a touch down. Brings a tear to my eye. But hey, who's judging?

Alas, the real truth is I'm hesitant to tell Husband about this blog not for fear that he will read it and be mad, but just that he'll read it. Because I can tell every secret to the world, but I can't tell him. I'm not really sure why. Maybe it's because I don't trust him with my inner most thoughts. Maybe I'm afraid he just won't get it and that would crush me.

How many men and women don't know each other at all? A man may know his wife's favorite perfume, but be oblivious to the fact she worries he doesn't want her anymore because he never holds her hand. He may know her favorite color, but not know she dreams of quitting her job and becoming a painter.

The most important things to share are the hardest things to share. Baring it all to your partner is risking rejection by the one person you need acceptance from the most.

So, to tell or not to tell? I think I'll tell.


ATLgal said...

I say don't tell. I'm in the same boat with you- my husband is very discreet and cannot fathom why I want-slash-need to tell all to my friends and family. And he doesn't even know the half of it (until occasionally one of my less discreet friends- or my sister in law- who should know better brings up something to Hubby that they should know I don't want them to tell, and I get that hot feeling in my head- you know the one you get right when you think you're about to have a car wreck- that means I need to think of an excuse, stat, or run out of the room to give me time to come up with an excuse or...something). He cannot understand why I want my life to be an open book to most everyone, like you. And why its fun and not ill-intentioned to dish on Hubby and Hubby's Mama (my favorite subject) with friends, b/c that's just what girls do. He's constantly telling me I should be more discreet- when I tell on myself for having clothes I bought at a consignment store- or from Target, or out myself for knock off purses (not so much anymore) or talk about how my roots are growing in, etc., etc. He never tells stories on himself, ever. Which is okay, b/c I tell plenty on him (out of his presence, of course). I like to tell things about myself so that other people will not mistake me for thinking I'm perfect (and its so paintfully obvious that I'm not, so why pretend?). If you let your husband inside your public hair-letting-down he will ask you "why??" and you don't want to have to explain why, b/c you know he won't get it. Could be a problem in the future, like when a published who's read your blogs calls you and asks if you'd like to publish and you'll have to tell your Man then, but why not cross that bridge when you come to it? I dunno, its a tricky issue... I probably wouldn't tell...yet. Its like buying a pair of $350 shoes- do you tell on the afternoon you buy them, or wait by the mailbox for the bill on the shared Visa to come in the mail, hide it, and when he reads it online months later (why he felt a need to do that I'll never know-- what, does he think I'm hiding something??) you get in trouble for not telling. Is it easier to tell at first and deal with the wrath on the front end, or to hold off, avoid the wrath, but THEN risk the 20% chance of having to deal with double wrath later b/c you did what you did AND you didn't tell. I struggle with that every day- mostly when it comes to buying stuff.... or breaking stuff... or overloading the washing machine until the water hose comes off the back and it floods the basement and I clean it all up on my own (or so I thought). But first instinct is to advise- don't tell.

jurl said...

Thanks for your vote! Alas, I cannot keep a secret. I told him last night and he asked 1) How'd you know how to do that? and 2) Why?.

He ended with "you better not write about me." I told him I'd only write about his failures as a husband and our sex life. Ha ha.

Men are weird.

Anonymous said...

I absolutley love this blog site. Genius. Saying everything most women feel but can't/won't articulate.
You Go JURL. May I suggest a blog about where the name Jurl came from?

Love, Robin