Tuesday, September 11, 2007

MTV Jurl

Yikes, people. You know you're getting to be an old jurl when you watch the MTV Music Awards and spend the whole time complaining that no one can form complete sentences when giving acceptance speeches. MTV award shows have become very discombobulating. It's not sure if it's a circus on acid or a real life award show--the result makes me queasy. I had to take a Dramamine after the first five minutes.

Now, I can't talk about the MTV music awards and not mention Miss Britney Spears. Are you still "Miss" after popping out two kids and flashing your baby-maker to the world? Anyway, first things first. Britney Spears is NOT fat. I don't get how anybody looks at her body and says she's fat! If you want to say she danced like a zombie on xanax or point out that she should have learned the words to her song so the lip synching looked sort of real, well, those are legitimate complaints. Her performance was sad, but she ain't fat and I know fat. What's disturbing is that it's women calling her out for being fat. I bet you 99% of straight men would say she looked just fine. I know my husband did. To quote him when asked his thoughts on her body, "I'd take it." So if Britney is fat, I must be an actual planet. Just another day in a world where we have to work at making women feel bad about themselves. This is too fat, that's too thin, your face is too round, your boobs too small, your ass too flat (not mine), you've got ugly feet! Stop it, just stop it. We're so busy picking each other a part we miss the true beauty within ourselves and each other. But, since we're on the subject, Rihanna's outfit made her thighs look like tree trunks. Just kidding! (not really)

But, back to Britney. If she was my friend I would have tied her to a chair and said, "Over my dead body are you going out in that sparkly underwear and bad hair. Love you too much, Brit Brit! I can't let you humiliate yourself on national TV! Jurl, you got that glassy-eyed look you get just before you drop one of your babies! Intervention!" Some one save that jurl from herself, please.

In addition to the Britney train wreck they have included some funky new awards such as the Quadruple Threat Award. WTF? For example, Kanye West was nominated in this category for rapping, producing, and his social activism. Huh? In case you're wondering, Justin Timberlake won for his work as a singer, actor, producer, and his baby-faced bad ass-ness. I might have made that last one up, but you bought it for a second, right? In his acceptance speech Timberlake encouraged MTV to play more videos. Hallelujer! Except I never watch MTV and if I did I'd just complain that everybody looks slutty or dirty. Is it just me or does the youth of America look like they need a shower?

Oh, and someone please get rid of Pamela Anderson. She's gross. Wasn't her last gig working a "Herpies for Free" booth? Gag me.

You might wonder why I would waste my time watching the MTV Music Awards. Here's the thing-- I love award shows. I love live performances (though they're rare). I have been moved to tears by a beautiful voice backed by a gospel choir. I've been blown away by inspired dance moves. I remember watching Michael Jackson (pre-molester Jackson) unveil the moon walk on an award show and being acutely aware that it was an iconic moment. Remember that? Come on, you know you tried to do the moon walk in your living room. Ah, the good old days. Remember Whitney before crack? Lionel Richie before he got beat up by his wife? Now that was good stuff, jurl.

It's unfortunate that for so many entertainers entertaining doesn't seem to be enough. But I believe in the power of art and it's ability to shape the human soul. So though these shows mostly disappoint there is usually a gem or two like this year's performances by Alicia Keyes and Chris Brown. Check them out, jurls, and be moved by God-given talent.


ATLGAL said...

LOVES me some awards shows! I never miss the MTV awards, but someone it slipped by me this year and I am bummed, big time. Of course I saw Britney's performance on You Tube, God love her. And I have to tell you, she looks better than I have ever looked or will ever look in a bikini, so I've had it as well with the "Fat Brit" comments. She's had two babies, for God's sake! Kelly Ripa and Posh Spice clearly bought their three babies each, b/c there's no way their bodies could be that perfect after that. Now Brit looks great, and she has a body which you can give her snaps for after two babies in two years. However, she is a trainwreck who I fear is going to Anna-Nicole in less than five years. At which time everyone will say "why didn't anybody DO something?". Now, of course, we're just having a great time making fun of her. As Perez Hilton said, she is a celebrity blogger's version of an all you can eat buffet. But she is NOT fat! She's just not 21 anymore.

Pretty in Pink said...

AMEN, jurls. I said the exact same thing. She still looks better than me, and I have not had ANY kids. Who I am I to talk. The only thing she should be embarrassed by is her lackluster performance. Sadly, (while I am never one to quote anyone but Prince) Kanye said it best that MTV exploited her. Unfortunately for her, she is so out of control, that she does not recognize her own limitations. At least when Whitney was cracking out, she stayed out of the spotlight.

jurl said...

Interesting. I'm not sure I beleive MTV has an obligation to protect Britney from herself. (and I think Kanye was mad he wasn't the opening act) However, I'm certain that they have an obligation to the audience to give us the best show possible and they clearly failed on that point. But, the level of anticpation for any other opening act would pale in comparison to the anticipation leading up to Britney's performance. MTV went with a train wreck over bad ass opening number because they wanted lots of people to tune in. and tune in we did. Post-performance I would rather have seen anyone, but before she stumbled, bumbled, and mumbled around on the stage I was very interested in what she was going to do. Britney could probably blame a lot of people for what happened at the VMAs (chief among them herseslf) but I'm not sure she gets to blame MTV. However, we get to blame MTV for wasting our time.

So, peeps, my question to you is two fold:

1) Should MTV protect Britney Spears from herself? and

2) What's more entertaining- train wreck or bad ass opening performance by an artist that isn't on a collision course with the Grim Reaper?

p.s. check out "Leave Britney Alone" by Chris Crocker on youtube. Talk about train wrecks.

Mom to the traveling circus said...

In some ways I feel sorry for poor Brit. Can you imagine being a young mother of two small boys, and constantly being followed and having people keeping tabs on your every move? THANK GOD I did not have people following around to point out my every mistake as a mother. I would probably be in jail right now because I would have rammed the papparazi's head(s) into the closest thing that would make the most damage.
Not to say that her lifestyle is appropriate but she is lacking serious guidance from someone who is not out to exploit her or use her for her money. She needs to shape up or it will be to the detriment of her children if she chooses to continue on this wayward path.

Elle Woods said...

Word. You may quote me.

Anonymous said...

Whenever someone starts baggin' on me, I just think of what my buddy Wooderson told me once, "It's the same stuff [sic] they tried to pull in my day. If it ain't this, it's some other thing they're gonna try and make you do. You've just have to do what Randall "Pink" Floyd wants to do...You just have to keep on livin', man. L-I-V-I-N."