Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Fat Jurls Are People Too, Apparently

Remember in the olden days of the 1980s how exercise videos were limited to skinny people? You may not remember, but I do because my mom owned a collection of work-out videos, mostly starring Jane Fonda, that she attempted to do once or twice. Everybody was skinny, jammed into flesh colored tights, with big hair and lots of sparkle. If you don't believe me watch this, but follow the moves at your own risk.....

See? Now that's class. Back in the day they usually had someone pretend to be funny and by pretend I mean some idiot made a bad joke and everyone else laughed...pretending it was funny. In the Jane Fonda step work-out video a guy playing the skinny geek, but who is probably not really acting, makes a monkey sound to which Jane responds, "Oh, have we got a monkey in here?" Or some crap like that.

Regardless of the antics, those videos all had one thing in common- they were chock-a-block full of overly fit, skinny people. But today's work-out videos tend to include a chubbette in the background. It's like they said, "Hey, fatties need to be included too, after all most of the people huffin and puffin to this video are in fact fat."

They haven't totally lost their minds, they smartly try to conceal Fatty McPatty in the back row, behind a couple of stick like women who even if you sewed them together could not hide the round girl in the back.

Here's the thing, Exercise Video People- I don't want to see a chubby doing the same moves I'm doing because I'm trying to work off the pounds and it clearly didn't work for poor Fatty. And it's just depressing, like watching myself work-out in a mirror. Why by the way do aerobic centers always have giant mirrors? I don't want to see my underarm flab flappin while I'm doing jazz hands. Nor do I want to see my gut bounce as I use my imaginary jump rope. It just makes me hate everyone.

If I could work-out with my eyes closed I would, but I almost killed myself doing that on a treadmill. Yikes, I flew right off that sucker and never dared walk on it again.

If only my "exercise self" was like Jamie Lee Curtis in "Perfect". She and Travolta worked up a sweat just moving side to side at the waist, with a few hip swivels added in for fun. Seriously, look how sweaty they are just from doing side bends. And please check out John's teeny, tiny, grey shorts. Welcome back Kotter, indeed.

Bottom line, keep only the beautiful people working out on my television so as to both depress and inspire me.


Bastet said...

Did you see those leotards! Those videos are pretty funny to watch now.

And I totally get the keep your eyes open on the treadmill thing...I am so clutsy I would itch my nose and fall off! LOL

Anonymous said...

His package is hilarious! It makes me giggle!


Anonymous said...

i think i saw a baby bird peeking out of john travolta's shorts.

Anonymous said...

I think they took the thrusting of the pelvis a little too seriously. If their faces had been anymore erotic they would have had to given it an X rating. Thats how I moved in my step class.

jurl said...

You guys are HI-larious. I'd love a peek at Travolta's baby bird.