Sunday, April 6, 2008

A Jurl Affair

Deception happens in the best marriages. A third party stumbles into your life with all the mystery and heat that in your marriage has given way to comfort and routine. Despite my vow to be faithful to my husband, and despite the fact we have a happy marriage, I've stumbled into an affair with a new kind of lover- one that has swept me off my feet.

It started innocently enough with a trip to Super Target for toilet paper and toothpaste, but before I knew it I was back for fruit and milk. It wasn't long before I started buying everything at Super Target...even items I'd previously purchased at the grocery store. Before I knew what was happening, shopping trips became private get aways where I strolled the aisles in search of incidentals and nothing in particulars. Everywhere I went I could hear the soft whisper of Super Target..."I have everything you need.....face cream....sandals......big bosom don't need anyone else, but me."

Soon we were seeing each other twice a week. Once a week was easy because the groceries had to be bought(I did have to convince Husband local grocery stores weren't any cheaper than Super Target), but the second trip was harder to explain. Luckily, Super Target has everything so any need that arose during the week I could cure it with a quick trip to see my secret love. Inevitably, there were questions. How much did you spend at Target? How many times a week did you go to Target? What could possibly add up to $300.00 at Target?! Somehow I managed to hide the truth...that I was caught up in a red hot affair!

But lately, the romance has turned cold. I go seeking comfort and perhaps a cheap purse that looks kind of like one I saw featured in In Style (if you squint) and instead I leave with a Barbie doll, diapers, and a cart full of food, the purse forgotten in the rush to grab whatever I can and get home before it's too late (and Husband starts asking questions). These quickies leave me feeling empty and bereft of the affection I'd come to expect from Super Target. I no longer feel we have a one on one relationship as I vie for attention amongst the throng of other Super Target lovers. I knew Super Target wasn't a one woman kind of store, but it's getting ridiculous (especially around 5:30 p.m.)!

This secret life is so exhausting I can't even make it over to the side of Super Target that holds the key to my heart...make-up, accessories, music, books, purses...... It's like only one of us is getting off and it's not me.

Super Target is a cruel master. I give and give (money and lots of it), but as my family demands increase, what I'm getting from this relationship decreases. After a rendezvous I tell myself, "no more!" Only once a week for groceries and nothing else! But, before I know it, those sexy Target commercials seduce me back to that unholy Casanova of a store where I find myself pushing one of those dastardly red carts (with a broken wheel), and gazing at mod lamp shades while debating buying a polka dot Isaac Mizrahi dress.......

Oh, love! How you hurt me! Release me from your clever marketing!!


Anonymous said...

Try going during your lunch time. That's what I do. It is heavenly!

I'm so proud of you and Jenny!

Love ya!


Anonymous said...

Do you run into CRE and the kids there like I do? ;-)

Sua Sponte

ATLGAL said...

You are not alone. Oh, Target, how I love you! FYI, you can hit to satisfy your personal needs. I'm such an addict that I actually write reviews about my fave items (Merona knit jersey wrap dress, Issaac Mizrahi snake print ballet flats, Gilligan O'Malley push up bra, Assets body cincher, Choxie truffles). I feel very passionately about Target and its items and as you point out, the advertising? Who can resist? And like you I have to make up lies about what costs $200 at Tar-ghay, and say "groceries". When in fact I never, ever leave without hitting the dollar bin ("TDB") heavily and without picking up at least one item of apparel (or shoes) for myself, as well as at least one such item for wee girl. And yes- Target at lunch, its even better b/c you're alone, you're not rushed, and its usually less crowded. And there's less of a chance you'll see someone you know as you exit the dressing room with three teen-inspired ensembles in hand.

jurl said...

Ugh. Lunch time is for eating! And I need a lot of time to my Target shopping. And I've only run into CRE once, but I've seen Donnie a couple of times. My super Target is the hip place to be for middle-aged hipsters. Target makes so much money off of me it is so very sad. As friends have pointed out, if I'd stop the Target madness I could buy something really nice. But I think I'm a quantity over quality kind of girl. hmmm....that sounds like a blog I need to write.

Elle Woods said...

Jurrrrrl, we discussed your Target habit (tapping my 4" high heel shod foot at you). And now that you're on Jenny, you should be spending less on groceries at Target.

I am very proud of you and Jenny, though. Jenny rocks!

Angie said...

We do not have SuperTarget, but if I were you, I would feel very violated by this man-Tramp at 5:30 when he thinks you won't be stopping by. How dare he cheat on you when you ae cheating with him in the first place.


ATLGAL said...

I disagree with the concept that you'd stop with the Target-ing if you bought something really nice (nuh-UH, Elle Woods!). In Style mag and Harper's Bazaar recommend buying fine couture pieces that are timeless and supplementing them with trendy items from inexpensive stores-- i.e. buying a crocheted babydoll top at Neimans is just a waste of $$ when it will be SOOO Spring 2008 in just a few months anyway! White t-shirts? Target. Tank tops? Tar-zhay. Running clothes? T-to-the-arget. Cheap sunglasses you know you will lose or step on? Only one place. After all, IMFT (Issaac Mizrahi for Target) is all about "Runway Meets Main Street", jurl! I take great pride in combining Prada rides and an Armani suit with a $4 cami from Target! Come on, Elle Woods, you clearly haven't been to Target enough to know how to love it-- once you start you CANNOT stop! And clearly Elle Woods has never tried Choxie! :-)

Elle Woods said...

Atl Gal, I truly understand the beauty of mixing high and low, and applaud it when done well (and you always look fab, I would never be able to tell when you're mixing!). However, you sorely underestimate how difficult it is to get The Jurl to go for the "high". It's like pulling teeth (isn't that right, Jurl?)Alas, I have tried and will continue to try, but you may need to get your arse back to Big D and help me. I will say the Jurl looks good, regardless of where she's shopping. I just think she should splurge on herself a bit now and then.

I stand by my assertion that she can spend less on groceries now that she's on Jenny. I know, because I'm a Jenny lover, too! In any event, I believe a Jurl should be able to spend her money wherever a Jurl wants, be it Super Target, Tom Thumb, or Neiman Marcus. Viva la shopping!

ATLGAL said...

Here, here, Elle Woods-- Viva splurging one oneself, too!!! Jurl, go buy yourself sumthin' fancy at NM under Elle Woods' expert supervision-- makes you feel mighty fine! And if you balk at laying down the big Benjamins at NM proper, head out to NM Last Call at G-vine Mills- good, good stuff there- might be last season, but who cares? And there's always my absolute fave consignment store, Clothes Circuit, in Preston Center- many couture items never worn for crazy good prices!