Last night, as I was drifting off to sleep, a brilliant (decent) idea for today's blogtastic entry popped into my head. I often stumble on an idea in that moment just before my brain plunges into a deep, deep sleep (a la me and Jesus on the phone). However, today I cannot recall what I came up with because Sam had an accident of the urine variety in the middle of the night, yanking me out of my REM sleep with, "Momma, Momma, Momma, Momma, I pee peed in my bed" and destroying the vague memory of my idea. So, instead of reading whatever witty idea slipped away into the night, you must suffer with my tale of parenting horror.
Bless her little tiny bladder. She rarely has night-time accidents and when she does it's not usually that big a deal, but last night she must have unleashed 65 gallons of pee. I felt like I was wiping up after an elephant's water broke. And to make things almost unholy worse, the yellow blankie got pee all over it. Sam broke down completely when I told her there'd be no sleeping with the stinky, stained, blankie.
Then she insisted on taking a shower when I just wanted to giver her a whore's bath with wipes. I caved because it got her out of the room where I was making the bed and left me in peace to sop up pee in blessed silence. The shower did calm her down, helping her take the yellow blankie deprivation like a big girl.
What really sends me over the edge during one of these middle of the night escapades isn't the pee, isn't the little girl screaming her head off at 2:30 a.m. over a pee blanket, but the Husband snoring his ass off in the room next door. How is it possible he never hears any of it? He awakes fresh in the morning, looks at my zombie-crazed ass and demands to know why I slept late (aka why I didn't work out). I have no idea why I didn't get up extra early so I could exercise, then get the kids ready, then get myself ready, then get to work by 8:15 a.m., then work all day, then pick up the kids, then come home to clean, make dinner, and play with said kids. Huh. No idea why I took an extra hour of sleep. Sometimes I want to get an ax from the garage.
Maybe tonight I'll wet the bed.