Sunday, October 19, 2008

Racing Jurl

Yesterday I got up at the ass crack of dawn to race (walk slowly) in the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure. Here are some warnings I think they should issue so everyone knows what they're getting into when they sign up for this third circle of hell, I mean, good cause:

WARNING!!!

1. Your race t-shirt may cling to unsightly rolls and bulges.

2. You may (will) walk a 5k before reaching the 5k due the nearest parking spot being located in a neighboring state.

3. Hordes of people crowding around you may lead to a panic attack or a violent fit of rage.

4. One in every five racers will suffer a stroller-related injury.

5. Standing next to the strategically placed speakers while inspirational power ballads are blaring may cause permanent hearing damage.

6. Walking a 5k at a snail's pace feels like walking a 65K- shin splints a likely result.

7. One in every five racers will suffer a pot hole-related injury.

8. You will have to pee half way through. *Please don't bother the rich people living in the neighborhood you're walking through to let you use their facilities.

9. One in every five racers will have to poop half way through due to pre-race coffee consumption.

10. One in five racers will be trampled in a stampede resulting from fruit juice or wet wipe give-aways.



If we hook a left maybe we can beat the crowd to brunch.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Oh my gosh... crowd control please. Crazy!!

JennyG said...

1. I'm with you on the crowd. I caught myself before screaming more than once.
2. I'm proud of you for doing the walk...and yes, the course was shorter than the distance to my parking place.
3. I hate to say it, but you were w.r.o.n.g about the NKOTB concert...I went with four other girls and we had a blast reliving our youth.

Sunshine said...

One of my favorite terms in the English slang-vernacular is "power ballad." For whatever reason, I find it hilarious.

Hearing one described as "inspirational" is just another perk.

jurl said...

Anon- it was totally crazy. at least it wasn't hot because then it would have stunk, too.

jennyg- NKOTB? Oh, jurl....glad you had fun.

sunshine- power ballad is a funny term. less funny when it deafens you....

Cullum Family said...

you really have got to love the "inspirational power ballads" at the beginning at least it is better than jazzercise. the last "race" i was in had jazzercise blaring in your ear for what seemed like eternity...talk about last circle of hell... :P