Friday, October 17, 2008

Situation Jurls

Here's another tip for uncomfortable social situations:

Sometimes even the best jurlfriends hurt each others feelings, especially if you're running with a pack (I prefer pack to herd for obvious weight-related reasons) of jurls. A pack of jurls can be a dangerous thing because, in a moment of instability, the pack might turn on one of their own. The pack jurls may not even realize that they've gone from friendly conversation to full on attack mode when suddenly one little jurl becomes the focus of razor sharp criticism. Meanwhile, the targeted jurl probably lacks the ability to tell her friends she's getting madder and sadder by the second so she takes it in the ass until finally there is a passive-aggressive explosion where the lone jurl runs away.

This phenomenon usually occurs when one jurl starts to tease another and then two or three other jurls jump on that bandwagon turning harmless teasing to harpie harassment in a heart beat. At first, the singled out jurl won't realize what's happening, but when five minutes pass with her friends giving her the what for and all attempts to defend herself only bringing more ire, it'll dawn on her that something has gone horribly wrong with the jurl dynamic. Sadly, by the time this poor jurl gets a clue she's knee deep in a pack attack and, faced with this horror, will shut-down, making things even worse when she's accused of being passive-aggressive (and all jurls hate passive-aggressive behavior despite all jurls being passive-aggressive at least occasionally).

Luckily, PIP came up with a perfect solution to this pack problem. When a jurl is feeling like she's being unfairly picked on by her jurlfriends she simply says, "You bitches are assholes!" This simple phrase will alert the other pack members that they've gone too far so they can reign it in before any real damage is done. It's best to brief the pack on the code-phrase so they know you're only kind of calling them bitchy assholes.

Another jurl problem solved!


Beverly said...

Great advice jurls. I always love a reason to say "Hey you jurls are bitchy assholes!"

Lis said...

I wish I could tell my not so friendle work pack that sometimes! It is hard to work with a bunch of women!!!

BoBono said...

Your advice is always right on the money. This will surely be accepted so much better than my normal response of "Shut the F*** up!". Thanks Jurl!

Holly Golightly said...

Someone needs to alert the middles schools of the world. I think it starts there and never really gets any better. "Safe words" aren't just for freaky sex.