Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Parenting Jurl

Our poor kids. It's not easy having us as parents. Husband and I can be fairly traumatic and in order to garner sympathy for my wee ones I ask that you put yourself in their place and imagine the following:

Your mother and father sometimes mock you when you cry- (imagine irritating mocking voice) "oh, boo hoo! How'er you gonna live without another Popsicle! Boo hoo!"

Your mother likes to fart then claim an airplane must have crash landed in the backyard.

Your father threatens to punish you and you don't know for sure what punish means, but you fear it has something to do with permanent damage to your soul.

Your mother and father will spend 45 minutes engaged in a Mexican-standoff to see who will change your putrid stinky diaper.

You are expected to understand and participate in sarcasm at a very early age...like birth.

Your mother will risk any kind of embarrassment in order to embarrass you.

Your mother and father forced you to watch Breakin 2: Electric Boogaloo.

Your mother and father force you to live in the 1980s (see above as evidence).

Your mother forces you to rub her feet then tells you that funky smell is coming from your own booty.

When you're not looking your father is trying to jump your mother.

Both your parents are lawyers and you are doomed to lose every argument for the rest of your life.

Your mother has a habit of throwing your toys away.

Your father has a habit of screaming, "MOVE!" whenever you're in the way.

You will never be allowed a pet of any kind because your mother is cruel (but clean).

Your father will expect you to be great at everything just like he is.

Your mother will encourage quitting because her belief system involves avoidance of failure.

Both of your parents experience spontaneous deafness when your crying reaches level ten.

And last, but not least, both your parents will kiss and hug you in front of the whole word no matter how old you get. I'm talking big, squeezy hugs and big, puckered kisses. And if you try to resist your mother will start singing show tunes at the top of her lungs.

Poor kids.

The older one is starting to understand her situation...look at those sad eyes.


aae said...

look at my cute little Jake! And yeah, Sam knows.

Holly Golightly said...

I can't feel sorry for kids dressed that cutely, it's just not possible.

Claudia said...

The earlier she knows the earlier she learn to defend herself! Ha ha. They look so cute in their holiday outfits!!