Last night Husband and I once again made the mistake of trying to work in some nookie while Sam was not quite asleep in her little bed. Just when it was getting good we heard the running of little feet as she searched the house for her dear parents, finally turning up at our door where she wrestled with the door knob until the sad realization it was locked finally sank in. But my kid never gives up.
"Mommy, I want to come in."
I paused in my efforts, "Baby, Daddy and I are doing something so go back to your room!"
"But, I want to give you a hug...."
"I'll come see you when we're done! Go to your room!"
"What are you and Daddy doing?"
"Um, we're playing a game. Don't worry about it! Go to bed!"
Jeff whispered, "Don't call it a game, stupid!" (let me tell you there is nothing sexier than being called stupid while your man is violating you with his privates)
I whispered back, "Did you just call me stupid!?"
He made a cranky face at me. "Don't call it a game."
We resumed our efforts thinking our first born had followed orders and returned to bed. Silly parents.
"Mommy, what's the matter?"
A-oh. Mommy was a little too loud. "Nothing's wrong! It's, uh, just what we're doing! Go to bed!"
"But why is it dark in there?" Because Mommy only gets naked under cover of darkness.
"GO TO BED!!!"
We finished up, but it never felt right once we heard her little voice.
When I opened the bedroom door she was sitting there with her yellow blankie, waiting on us like a creepy little voyeur.
She immediately asked, "What game were you playing?"
"Well, we weren't really playing a game, Daddy was giving me a massage."
"Why were you making those noises?"
Why, God, why do I have to deal with this when I was just trying to be a good wife? "You know, how sometimes when you stretch out you make noises?"
Sam nodded yes.
"It's like that. Daddy was helping Mommy stretch out her muscles and that made me make noise."
Sam seemed to accept what I was telling her, but wasn't quite convinced there was nothing untoward going on.
"But, why did you call it a game?"
Damn it. I hate it when Husband is right. "Because I just wanted you to go back to bed like you're supposed to."
"But saying it's a game makes me want to play...."
And with that I admitted I'd made a terrible mistake and what Mommy and Daddy were doing was anything, but a game.
Just goes to show nothing really changes, when you're young you sneak around to have sex so your parents don't know (I did that even in my twenties) and when you're old you sneak around to have sex so your kids don't know. God is the ultimate comedian.