I've been trying to figure out why I've been so derelict in my blogging bloggerism when I previously was so prolific. At first I thought it was because I was just feeling better thanks to Cymbalta and weight loss (which always thrills me) so I had less urgency to post my business on a daily basis, but that doesn't really make sense. Then I thought it was because I just didn't have anything to write about, but if you know me you know that's not true at all. I'm one of those people that always has something to write about--my personal insanity, my weird dreams, the nuthouse I work with, my mom, my kids, American Idol, Swine Flu.....there is always something, always.
So why? I think it's because I may have picked up some readers that make me tense and make me want to censor myself. I already have to censor for my husband and my mother (she really hates cursing) so the idea of censoring any further gives me a case of the give-ups. It's my own fault for putting the blog on my FB page, but I didn't think I'd ever care about anybody reading anything I had to say, but then some high school friends came calling and then my father who I don't really know (and maybe his wife) stumbled on the blog making me think twice about what I wrote. And that just sucks because that's not really who I am.
So, I'm over it. Yes, high school peeps (if you even bother to read this) I lost weight then gained weight making me have to lose it all over again, but I'm still a rock star. And yes, estranged father, I'm crazy, but I'm also fabulous. I'm not perfect by any means, yet I am a success by any measure. And I don't have anything to prove to anyone. Not old high school math teachers that thought I was borderline retarded, not the guy in junior year I crushed on who didn't know I existed, not those mean girls that made me feel less than, and not dear old dad. But, I forgive those that underestimated me, didn't see me, hurt me, or left me behind and so I'm moving on to the hear and now.
I have so much to say to whoever will listen and I won't be censored by anyone, not even myself. So jurls, get ready to read, get ready to move on, get ready for the hear and now.