Friday, March 26, 2010

Diagnosis Jurl

I have discovered a new condition in mothers:


Symptoms of Aloneitis are:

urge to throw children through a window (though, the impulse is never acted upon-if it is you have a worse problem)

urge to put Husband's head in a giant Ziploc bag

urge to set house on fire rather than clean it one more time

urge to set Husband on fire rather than argue about cleaning the house one more time

urge to scream at the top of your lungs in the middle of a public place

urge to check out the one bedroom apartment in the new complex down the road.....

urge to change name to Star Shine or some such crap so that no one can find you when you runaway to your new one bedroom apartment

urge to runaway, far, far away to a one bedroom apartment

urge to tell perfect-appearing moms to suck it

urge to stab Dora in the face with a pair of scissors

urge to drop an F-bomb on the next person who says "Good Morning!"

If you are suffering from any of the above symptoms you may have Aloneitis. There is no real cure for Aloneitis though medication has been know to ease the symptoms. Time ALONE is needed to manage symptoms.

So basically, take drugs in solitude.

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