Thursday, April 10, 2008

Idol Jurl

I don't usually follow American Idol, not because I'm too good for reality television, but it's just too long a process. I have commitment issues to programs that run multiple nights during the week and last a period of months. If you start with the auditions, by the time you get to the winner you feel like you and A.I. should celebrate an anniversary because you've been together for eternity! Now, a show like Dancing With the Stars has a much shorter run so I can deal with the two nights a week I'm required to tune in, but A.I. has always been a challenge. Until this year, that is. Thanks to the misery of the writer's strike (I'm still recovering and still waiting for my fave shows to return!) I had plenty of time on my hands, so I cleaved to A.I. as if it were a long lost lover.

And I must say, I've been enjoying it quite a bit. I'm hot for the Aussie, Michael Johns, and he's pretty good, but not quite good enough to win I don't believe. Still, one of my favorite performances was his blues version of Dolly Parton's "It's So Wrong, but It's So Right." Smokin Hot.

"I'm too Sexy for this jacket, too sexy for this blog...."

Jason Castro is another favorite of mine because he is adorable! However, I think he's rockin the gange a little too hard which has made some of his performances sound like a college philosophy major strumming his guitar while perched on the edge of his unmade bed, surrounded by a cloud of premium weed smoke. Thanks to Simon, who told him a couple of weeks ago Jason wasn't taking the competition seriously, I think he's cut back on the bong because he's definitely improved. Monday night's performance of Over the Rainbow was fantastic.

"Anybody else got the muchies, man?"

The Irish chick, Carly Smithson, has a great voice, but chooses poor songs and dresses like a model for the local Five and Dime. Someone please burn all the black stretch pants currently residing in the AI wardrobe department.

"Does this tattoo make me look fat?"

Kristy Lee Cook is the resident country girl and she's pretty cute with a good voice. Again, I don't thin she's got what it takes to win, but she's a genius when it comes to song choice, picking I'm Proud to Be an American" which is not only a great country song, but a patriotic homage guaranteed to please middle America and rednecks alike.

"Vote for me, I Heart America!"

Brooke White is my favorite lady on the show. She's cute, she's sweet, she plays multiple instruments, and she has a folksy, sultry voice. Brooke's hurdle is trying to stand-out every week yet not get away from what suits her style. And she needs to steer of elevator music even though she has a Carly Simon kind of flair. But regardless, she has great hair.

"I Heart James Taylor."

Syesha Marcado is talented, but the last couple of weeks she's chosen songs that were perhaps to big for her- Whitney's "I Will Always Love You" and Fantasia's "I Believe." I believe she crazy. Part of the contest is anticipating the judges reactions and you have got to know they will compare you to the original. No one can out sing Whitney (or out crazy) and Fantasia sung "I Believe" win she won AI! Come on! Fantasia was crying when she sang it and the best you can do is make that closed-eyes singer face.

"I am the new Whitney! Crack really is whack, ya'll!"

David Cook is a rock n roll bad boy and I think the current front-runner. Check out his "Billie Jean" cover on itunes. It rocks. His first real mis-step was this week's performance when his lame song choice and hokey performance failed to impress (me).

Doesn't this look like a Spring Break mug shot?

Finally, little David Archuleta. He's only 17, but I think he could win the whole thing precisely because he's young and sweetly innocent. For sure he's talented, but it's sort of the same thing every week- big, heart-stirring, meaningful song. It's starting to get a little "rainy days and Sundays always get me down". Although, when forced to choose a Beatles tune (he didn't know any) he picked a peppy tune that didn't suit him and he forgot the words. To be fair, they all pretty much stunk up the Beatles catalog.

He looks a little like a Muppet. Just a little.

Anyway, I really meant to discuss last night's Idol Gives Back and how lame I thought it was, but I got a little carried away on my A.I. review. But let me pose this, is Miley Cyrus performing twice, Snoop Dog, Fergie alone and then with Heart, and Terri Hatcher singing really a stellar line up?? Lame-o-rama. And that poor chubby Heart sister. She looked liked she'd rather be having a root canal than performing on A.I. next to her skinny sister, Nancy. I bet Nancy made her do it. (Come on Nancy, eat a hamburger or something so your sister doesn't have to always be the "fat one.")

Dressed in layers of black (taking a cue from moi) she remained rooted to the spot with a look of "I can't believe I'm doing this" as she sang "Barracuda." To make matters worse, ultra skinny Fergie skipped out on stage to sing with her. Next to Chubby Heart chick Fergie looked like a snack cake.

I don't know who I feel worse for....Heart Chick having to stand next to Fergie or Fergie who might get eaten.


ATLGAL said...

OMG, I am CRAZY for Idol in a totally pre-teen way, and I honestly live for it months of the year. My current fave, by a million miles, is Jason Castro, a/k/a "JC Dreads". I'm a member of the Castrati. I'm a Castro-ho. I'm a Ja-maniac. I'm a dread-head. I'm a rasta boosta. I'm a braid-babe. I'm a Jake-flake. I want to Fidel that Castro. Check out for some hee-larious commentary on each show. LOVES ME SOME IDOL! And I thought Fergie was hot on "Barracuda" but the cartwheels- huh? And I LOVE Miley Cyrus and I want to be her little bit. IDOL ROX!

jurl said...

I too love Jason Castro! I'm a Catronada, a castropath, a Castronista! His eyes are mesmerizing and I'm not a dreds fan so it must be true love.

Fergie is awesome, but did you see when she toulsled Fat Heart's hair? Poor thing! I know she was thinking, "don't touch me you skinny bitch! I'm not a shaggy dog! Can I please just finish this so I can get out of here and get something to eat?" Cause that's what I'd been thinking.

And I thought Simon was going to kill Robin Williams over all those man-boob comments.

ATLGAL said...

We must start emailing each and every Wed and Thurs about the previous night's shows to compare notes. ALSO, have you ever watched the dance version of Idol, So You Think You Can Dance?? Its even BETTER than Idol (last years SYTYCD'ers were on Idol Gives Back last night dancing to Rihanna and also to Miley). The dancers on SYTYCD are actually better dancers than the singers on AmId are singers. You have GOT to watch starting in May! It perfectly fills the void left by Idol, too (Tues and Wed nights). You won't believe how good it is. PS- Mikey Johns (Aussie, but current Atlanta resident) is awesome, too- he's my second fave Idol contestant after Blue Eyed Uncle Ganga. But what's up with the kerchief, short sleeved blouse, and vest combo this week? I wore an eerily similar outfit, purchased at the Harold's warehouse sale, to work at DeHay back in 1997....

ATLGAL said...

And yes, I felt incredibly sorry for Fat Heart b/c at least in their videos she has the benefit of dry ice and black velvet curtains and cropped camera angles. She looked like she felt very exposed up there, esp. with tiny black latex Fergie flipping and writing around sexily. It really was borderline inconsiderate of Fergie to gloat like that.

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