Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Little Jurls Are Not Made of Sugar and Spice

The fist day of Camp Lulu was a smashing success with the highlight of the day coming when Sam colored on all of her white furniture with a magenta permanent maker. Hooray!!

We had such a special day of time-out and threats of bringing down the wrath of Khan that I began composing a letter to my daughter for her to read on her eighteenth birthday.

Dearest Samantha-

When you came into this world you lit up my life and sewed joy in my heart like I'd never known before. Each day was a wonder and delight, each smile a reminder of the special love between parent and child. Then you turned two and set out to destroy me.

I have never understood what turned your heart against me, but I have surely suffered unspeakable hurts and frustrations. Could it have been when I let you fall off the changing table? Or when I let you roll off the hearth? Perhaps it was seeing me naked over and over again.? I guess we'll never know.

You quickly became an expert in pushing my buttons. You made me lose my cool more than any other human on the planet and you made it look easy. You destroyed my furniture, you stole my jewelery, you ruined my make-up, you elbowed me, kicked me, screamed no in my face, and told me you don't like me anymore.

You were a master of the "dead-weight diva" going completely limp when I tried to hoist you into the naughty spot yet managing to maintain a banshee like scream.

Somehow you always knew when I was running late and how to make me even later.

You called my dinners yuck and told me my butt was big.

Almost daily you told me I was stinky.

You demanded cartoons so loudly and so viciously I would've let you watch animated porn if it would have shut you up.

Worst of all you made me sound like my own mother.

[insert all the crap she's gonna do between four and eighteen]

Yet, I love you. I love you with every breath and with every heart beat. Even when I wanted to throttle you, when I couldn't even look at you, I loved you. You are mine, the good, the bad, and the ugly.

In between the fits and fights you were a wondrous creature full of surprises, sticky kisses, and squeezy hugs. You enriched my life and deepened my soul. And one day you will have your own little exorcist demon and I will be vindicated.



Beverly said...

are you sure you didn't write this to glenys. esp the part about not liking you? I get the lovely, "I'm not your kid anymore."

Holly Golightly said...

Is there something in the water? Too many days over 100? Should we quit exposing them to sunlight? Quit feeding them at midnight? I think we should storm the pediatricians' offices and demand a vaccine. Or an anti-asshole-antidote. Please, help the mothers among us.

Anonymous said...

I love it!

Amy said...

ah, cartoon porn.