Cowboy Jurl

Why is it not enough to work for your employer? Why must you also socialize? Most of us already spend more time with our co-workers than with our family, so aren't we sick of each other by the weekend? I guess not, because this coming Friday night Husband's firm has all the partners and their wives (no partner husbands because no female partners) gathering at the Mesquite Rodeo for fun with cow patties.

I have no idea why they're trotting us out to the Rodeo, maybe because they've already done a painful rotating-table dinner at a country club, cocktail hours, and family picnics, so the rodeo becomes the next logical social experiment. These events are awkward attempts to force unnecessary personal relationships between a bunch of lawyers and their really bored wives. Oh, and they make us wear name tags. One Christmas party my pre-made tag said, "Wife of Husband" with my first name printed teeny tiny beneath my title of wife. What an honor.

I dread these work events for a variety of very good reasons. One, I'm never comfortable with myself (working on changing that). I feel like Barbara Bush to Jeff's George Bush except instead of looking like his mother, I look like I ate his family. Two, I don't do small talk very well, plus you never know what I'm gonna say after a few glasses of wine. One Christmas party I gently criticized (rudely called ugly) the choice of drapes in one of the partner's homes only to be told that the wife in charge of the drapes was standing right next to me. Oops.

Finally, I never have the right thing to wear no matter the event. Some parties are worse than other because I really don't have anything appropriate for picnics or bar-b-qs. My wardrobe is black on black on black so any outdoor party really throws me into hyper-panic. After a primal scream and a few tears, I just throw something on and show up in my Drusilla the Dark Queen Costume.

In the past I've managed to get out of a number of these shin digs and had planned to do the same with this one (bad cramps, anxiety attack, promise of sex if I could just skip it....). But, in my continuing effort to shake things up in my life, I'm embracing the rodeo, as much as a non-rodeo gal can, and plan to look spectacular in a pink cowboy hat. I will assume everyone thinks I'm fabulous and wants to be near me. I will not worry they think I talk too much or talk too boldly. I will not feel less than anyone else and I will feel good about supporting Husband. I will enjoy the free wine and I will delight in me being me.

Now, wear can I find a pink cowboy hat?