I'm sad to say we're trying to get Tubbs to join PA, Poopers Anonymous. The first step is getting him to admit he has a problem. Specifically, he has a problem with poopin in the bathtub. Last night he was finally able to return to the tub after a three week hazardous waste shut-down. I had gone in with my haz-mat uniform and a bottle of bleach to remove all signs of pooplage, hopeful this would be the last industrial cleaning for some time, shortly before I released the Cracken (Tubbs) back into the warm waters of the bath.
All went well the first five minutes of the bath. Sam almost accidentally drowned him, Sam got me wet, and Tubbs tried to drink the bath water. Then I noticed something small, roundish, and brown floating in the water. At first I thought it was a Cheerio that had dislodged from a fat roll because it was similar in appearance. I didn't want to hit the panic button for a soggy Cheerio so I did what any parent would do, I scooped it up in my hand and gave it a sniff.
The first whiff yielded no viable evidence of Cheerio or poop. So I squished it around a bit to release some scent molecules and took another pass. Oh, yeah, definitely a poop particle. Luckily, I have crossed over to the other side, the other side being a parent of small children, so my temporal insanity lobe kicked in allowing me to simply wash off my hand instead of chopping it off and burning it.
I retrieved Tubbs and Sam and gave them a second washing in the shower to remove all dookey debris. Sadly, Sam begged to stay in the tub, insisting it was just "a little bit" of poop. I'm researching what 12 step program she should be in.
So, as soon as we get Tubbs in Over Eaters Anonymous we're working on joining Poopers Anonymous.
"I don't need any help!!! There's nothing wrong with me!! I just like to eat and poop like everyone else!!!"