Thursday, January 15, 2009

Dear Jurl

Next week I'd like to give advice. Here's what we should do: you guys ask me for advice and I will give it to you. You can post questions here or send an e-mail to the address located to the right. Here is an example of what we might see:

Dear Jurl-

My husband has bad breath and I'm afraid to tell him for fear of hurting him. He's very sensitive. What should I do?

yours truly,

Halitosis

Dear Halitosis-

Let's face it, bad breath is only a big deal in the car and in the bed. So, keep some tic-tacs in the glove compartment and on the night stand. If he's a close talker requiring 24 hour tic-tac sedation then nut up and tell him before your eyebrows melt off or get a divorce.

Love,
Jurl


OR

Dear Jurl,

My husband loves having sex standing up, but as a nurse I spend all day on my feet! By the time I get home the last thing I want to do is have sex standing on my poor, tired feet. What should I do?

Sincerely,

My Dogs Are Barking


Dear My Dogs Are Barking,

There is an easy fix for this one and it's called a bar stool. That way you sit and he stands. Abra cadabra, problem solved. A word of caution though, don't get one that spins around or you might turn into the Wheel of Vafortune.

Love,
Jurl



So please send me your questions! I may even have a guest blogger to help with the answers.... If you send me a funny question you'll get a funny answer and if you send a serious question you will get a serious answer. My qualifications for doing this are 1) I want to; 2) I'm hilarious; 3) I've been through every kind of trauma known to man and survived; and 4) I want to.

Looking forward to hearing from you!

11 comments:

BoBono said...

Dear Jurl,

My 19 year old son has a full time job but no desire to attend college. He has no girlfriend or close friends and rarely goes out. He curently lives in my basement. Do you have any advice for a mother who wants her son to have a rich full life?

Thanks alot,
BoBono

Hey, wait a minute. Maybe this isn't funny at all, but really really sad? Hmmm...you decide.

ATLGAL said...

Dear Jurl:
Is it considered bad parenting to not brush your child's hair every day?
Is it bad parenting to bathe her only once per week because you always use a lot of wipes when you change her and she just doesn't get that dirty?
Is it bad parenting to let your child eat goldfish crackers off the floor at church when you didn't bring goldfish crackers to church?
Is it bad parenting to allow your child to wear her bathing suit around all day long b/c she really really wants to, even if its January?
Most of all, is it bad parenting to continue working full time when your sweet little special light of your life is two years old and learning and growing every day and you are sitting at a stupid desk dealing with stupid people and missing it all?
Bad Parentingly Yours,
SlackMama

jurl said...

excellent questions. I will be crafting wise responses.

Anonymous said...

Dear Jurl:

Not sure if this is funny or sad, or both...

Is it time to break up with a kind, generous, sweet, gainfully (though not happily) employed man if:

a) in a conversation with a friend, you refer to him as a "smothering barnacle";

b) you actively avoid kissing him (because he is not a good kisser);

c) you can't stand the way he smells;

d) you find reasons for him to leave your house, then try them on him to get him to leave;

e) his baby kisses on your face and forehead make you want to scratch his eyes out;

f) you know you're not in love with him, but you stay in it because you're almost 37 and have still never been married;

g) all of the above?

As you can probably guess, I am in this conundrum. With a great guy. Who smells so bad that sometimes I can't even be near him (I'm sure he would smell irrestible to some other gal who was actually in love with him).

Sua Sponte

Anonymous said...

Dear Jurl,

My husband has a tiny "piece" and I was able to look past it before kids, now after kids, things have changed. I am uninterested, unattracted, and unfulfilled. Do I just ignore this as usual and suffer through escapades to keep him happy? Sex is such a bore, and now a chore... yuck...

(Cross out Vag Surgery--it is more like "thumb size" syndrome...)

Anonymous said...

Dear Jurl,

Sometimes an employee will come to me to ask a question about a clients account and I have to fight the urge to climb across my desk and slam my door into their face repeatedly. How can I get them to leave me alone?

Bothered Banker

Holly Golightly said...

Dear Jurl,

How does one rid her life of douchebags masquerading as men? And what kind of shrink tells a happily divorced woman: you'd be happier if you had a boyfriend? That one's been bothering me all week.

Holly

Anonymous said...

Dear Jurl,

How do you get a father and his adult daughter to forgive and forget the past and look forward to all the love and wonder the future holds for them sharing in one anothers lives?

Thank you in advance,
Getting past the past

Francie Stevens said...

Dear Jurl,

Whenever I stay at mother in law's house, I am forced to sleep on sheets that look and feel substantially the same as a burlap bag. Last time I was so uncomfortable that I had to get up and sleep on the couch with my dog. In the future, would it be rude for me to bring my own sheets and pillow cases?

Little Miss Muffett (without the whey)

Holly Golightly said...

A little more on said douchebags: Saturday night I went to a party and met a guy who was nice and fun to talk to. So when he asked for my number, I willingly provided it. He proceeded to call immediately, and looked a little too overjoyed that I gave him the correct number. He left the party a few minutes later, and I didn't hear from him until today (Tuesday) when he called and cancelled our "plans" for tonight. Seriously? What plans? No, I wasn't so drunk that I made plans on a Tuesday night, a night when, without exception, I'm on single mom duty. So if this is the way dating is post-divorce, no thank you.

Kiki said...

Dear Francie: Jurl has not appointed me as a guest answerer, but I have a suggestion. Buy one of those silk sleep sacks you see in SkyMall or travel catalogs. They folk up small, so you can be subtle and still comfy.