It's a good thing my coffee is not an indicator of how my day will go because this morning my pot of coffee tasted like hot bath water. I really need my coffee to taste like coffee, it sets the tone. It sets the tone! And I'm too lazy to make another pot. I think the coffee terrorist is my coffee maker. It sucks. I should buy a new one. But we're in a recession! And I keep buying spring shoes for Sam every time I walk into Super Target! How can I buy a new coffee pot when I'm hemorrhaging money on dance outfits, diapers for the poop-o-matic, and Spanx?! But, I hate my coffee pot!
Since Nancy the Therapist has had me write letters to express myself I decided to write a letter to my coffee pot:
Dear Coffee Pot:
I hate you. I use to be able to remove your pot while you were making coffee and you would hold your stream back while I poured a cup, but then you lost your self-control mechanism. Now, when I go for the early cup you piss all over my counter! And your lid won't stay on! And no filter fits you properly!
Don't even start with, "what about all the perfect cups I made you in the beginning?" It's all about what have you done for me lately, baby! And lately all you do is make a mess of my morning coffee.
Bottom line, you're an asshole! I don't want you in my life anymore. Don't make this harder then it has to be....don't look at me like that with your red "On" light. We can't keep going on like this. Look, neither one of us is happy. Maybe you'll find someone who can tolerate your coffee-swill, like a homeless person.
Goodbye, Coffee Pot. Goodbye.
Maybe I can cut back on Tubb's blueberries......