Friday, February 20, 2009

Morning Jurl

It's a good thing my coffee is not an indicator of how my day will go because this morning my pot of coffee tasted like hot bath water. I really need my coffee to taste like coffee, it sets the tone. It sets the tone! And I'm too lazy to make another pot. I think the coffee terrorist is my coffee maker. It sucks. I should buy a new one. But we're in a recession! And I keep buying spring shoes for Sam every time I walk into Super Target! How can I buy a new coffee pot when I'm hemorrhaging money on dance outfits, diapers for the poop-o-matic, and Spanx?! But, I hate my coffee pot!

Since Nancy the Therapist has had me write letters to express myself I decided to write a letter to my coffee pot:

Dear Coffee Pot:

I hate you. I use to be able to remove your pot while you were making coffee and you would hold your stream back while I poured a cup, but then you lost your self-control mechanism. Now, when I go for the early cup you piss all over my counter! And your lid won't stay on! And no filter fits you properly!

Don't even start with, "what about all the perfect cups I made you in the beginning?" It's all about what have you done for me lately, baby! And lately all you do is make a mess of my morning coffee.

Bottom line, you're an asshole! I don't want you in my life anymore. Don't make this harder then it has to be....don't look at me like that with your red "On" light. We can't keep going on like this. Look, neither one of us is happy. Maybe you'll find someone who can tolerate your coffee-swill, like a homeless person.

Goodbye, Coffee Pot. Goodbye.

Maybe I can cut back on Tubb's blueberries......


Gemini said...

First of all your coffee pot sounds like it may be a male coffee pot. You know what I mean, in the beginning of the relationship does everything to look good, open the car door, pulls out your chair, no nagging makes you good coffee. But once comfortable in the relationship starts to slide and no longer feels the need to impress. I say out with the old and in with the new.

If you do not feel that this is the case you should refer to Dr. Coffee because it could also be possible that your coffee pot is suffering from bladder control issues like OAB (Overactive Bladder) and could use some Detrol.

Good luck!

Shea said...

Get a new one! Pamper yourself a little Jurl. You deserve it!

aae said...

Sisterfriend, D and I had to replace the coffee pot that we got back in February 1999 for the nuptuals. It happens and must be done. Just suck it up. You don't need nutin' fancy. But, you do need coffee to taste like coffee, not bath water. Gag.

Jurl said...

Thank you for your support. I have indeed purchased a new coffee pot and I loves it.